Letters to Will
by bodysurfer27
Summary: Letters Tessa writes to Will after he has passed, detailing her travels and encounters on her journey through COHF
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: A very short fic that just popped into my head on a whim. Letters Tessa writes to Will throughout the years after he has passed away.**

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 _My Love,_

 _It has been a month since you have left this world. A month since I have seen those pale blue eyes of yours and a month since I have told you I love you. The children...they still do not understand why I look so young, and you so old when you left them. And for that, I have decided to leave. I have packed up all our things, whatever we wanted to keep instead of giving to the children, and must leave. I do not know where I am going, only I know I mustn't return. London is cold without you here. And unforgiving. My time has come to let the children begin their lives while I must go. It pains me...but I must do what I can in order to let them live their own lives. We have raised them well. I have faith they will continue raising kind, good-hearted children like we raised ours. The Herondale line must go on...and so must I._

 _Living without you...it haunts me. The night is cold, the world, dark. I am alone; I am truly alone._

 _I must travel now. It is not time to dwell on things I cannot change. Immortality has illustrated that path for me like a brightly lit sign. Declaring I cannot be where you are._

 _Jem has been kind to me in this time of grieving. Though he is incapable of comfort in his current state. It saddens me...the two of us, separated, for the rest of eternity. You are no longer with us physically, and your body rests with him in the Silent City. How curious life is, how you may lay with your parabati and I am cursed to live a life alone, much like you when I first met you._

 _I remember the first time I saw you, with your witchlight, and eyes of sparkling blue, your jet black hair tousled and your infamous smirk and witty comebacks. I'd do anything to see you like that one last time. To hear your voice reading to me, one last time. I miss you more than words will ever say._

 _I love you Will, always._

 _All my love,_

 _Tessa_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** **Here is an update because my personal life has gone to hell and I felt like writing something sad and emotionally destructive. Please enjoy.**

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 _My Love,_

 _It has been two months since I have left the London Institute. It has been two months since I have last seen our children. Heard them laughing, giggling...crying for you. It has been two months since I have been Tessa Herondale. It has been two months since I have last seen you. And each night I can feel my heart breaking for you all over again. Each night I cry and scream and beg for a release-a way for you to hear me. To be with me. Being without you is slowly killing me. I fear I will never be whole again. Whenever I close my eyes, I see you lying there looking peaceful and still. Unbreathing._

 _Currently I reside in the countryside on the outskirts of Paris. I do not know why, but the countryside calls to me. It aides me with the loneliness. If only for a temporary reprieve. A distraction from the life I once knew. You loved the wide open spaces and the freedom. Perhaps this is you giving me a sign._

 _Remember the time we took a train to Paris. You and I walked through the city streets hand in hand, no glamours to hide us. It was just you and me. Us. Together._

 _I fear we will never be together again. I fear I will no longer contain the same happiness strolling through the city. Which is why...which is why I refused to reside within the city walls. Paris will never contain the same love for me._

 _Magnus is doing well. I believe he and Camille are together once again. However, I cannot be so sure. You know how he is. You always were his favorite. He has taken your passing extremely well, although every now and again I know he is missing you. You, your sarcastic wit, your love of books, your black tousled hair. Your grinning smile. Just thinking of you is bringing tears to my eyes._

 _I-_

 _Every day is a struggle. Without you I mean. I know we have spoken of my life without you-when you are gone-once you are gone. It is simply strange to think all of that talking has gone to waste. Here I am, sitting in an empty house in the countryside, thinking of what we would be doing. You'd be sitting by the fire in the library, book in hand, with me sitting on your lap, watching the light of the fire reflecting in your eyes. I can still remember how those blue eyes gazed intently at the words on the pages. Your crooked smile at the letters on the yellowed pages. Our children shouting in the background._

 _I miss that. I miss you._

 _Magnus says your passing will get easier with time. At the present moment I cannot help but believe he is wrong. These tearstains on the pages in this journal are proof._

 _I'm sorry my love. I am so sorry we had to end up like this. It is not fair. I know if you were here, you'd take your fingers and press them against my lips, your own twisting in a sad smile. I swear by the Angel what I'd do to get one more moment like that back before you went and left me alone._

 _I felt so useless there. Our children no longer needed us, nor our grandchildren. There is nothing left of me there. Sadly I must move on._

 _In other news, this is the farthest I have been since we have met each other. It feels...wrong. To be so far, yet knowing you are no longer with me. I wish I could undo my immortality. Magnus was not wrong when he told us it is a curse. Oh, what a life to live...forever and yet never at the same time._

 _I must stop for now. I fear if I continue it will only bring more tears and heartache._

 _Please know I love you...wherever you are, wherever you may be. I love you Will._

 _All my love,_

 _Tessa_


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** **I'm sorry it's been so long, but if you follow me then you know I've been writing on this site still. Recently I have lost my brother, and now I know why I started writing this in the first place. It's to channel my grief, anger, frustration, and sadness in a way for you (my readers) to relate to. I'm hoping to update this more. No promises.**

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 _Dear Will,_

 _Today I've been missing you more than you'll ever know. It's hard waking up everyday, knowing you aren't there sleeping beside me. That you won't wake me up with a kiss. That I won't get to hear your morning voice, or your warm hands holding me close to you. We've spent so much time together, it's like I don't know how to function without you._

 _I'm managing you know. Truly I am. Though every day I wonder how our children, and our grandchildren are fairing without us. I fear with each passing moment something dreadful will happen. I know this is my decision, and I know it's the one that benefits both parties equally, but I can't help but wonder how I managed to survive these last two months without you._

 _Without hearing your voice._

 _Without seeing you smile._

 _Without knowing you are here and alive and well._

 _William I miss you. I miss you and I hope wherever you are, you're doing well. Not a day nor hour nor minute nor second goes by without my mind wandering to memories of us. When we were younger in the Institute, when we made love for the first time before the battle, when we knew we had won against all odds. Every time I close my eyes I see you. I see you standing there with your boyish grin and electrifying blue eyes so full of mischief and wonder. And love. Always love..._

 _Magnus has not come to see me in two weeks. I fear that is a bad thing. It means he is either back with Camille or planning a spontaneous trip to somewhere exotic._

 _And me..._

 _I feel like I have been doing alright. I have rearranged the bookshelf three times this week, I have watered the plants-they look simply divine. I wish you were here to see them bloom. Oh! I have cleaned the teapot and I take two daily walks through the countryside. One in the morning and one in the late afternoon._

 _You would love it here. You really would._

 _I...I'm sorry. I cannot write anymore today or I fear I will run to the bedroom and cry. I do not wish to leave it like this. But I must._

 _All my love,_

 _Tessa_


End file.
